December 6, 2022 Two Years without Nana

I dreaded this day. Another year hasn’t lessened the sadness. It only cracks open the pain and grief of not having Nana in my life. It’s a reminder of all I’ve lost. Today I did something I’ve avoided for two years – I watched some of the videos of Zoom meetings we did while Nana was on Covid lockdown in the Watsontown Nursing Home. It was like joyful torture. Seeing her sweet smile, hearing her lilting laugh, and watching her gnarled fingers clutch the phone so she could hear me.

From March 2020 through November 2020, I did everything I could to stay connected to Nana. I called her every day. In June, Jan and I visited Nana outside while she was protected in a plexiglass booth. In August, we again visited outside the booth with Bill and Marcia and Sharon and Ron joining us. Since Nana couldn’t hear us on the June visit, I brought a white board in August. We conversed via writing on the board. Nana loves to read and we all had so much fun with her. By September, the booth was no longer available so I arranged window visits from a downstairs room at the nursing home. We talked to Nana via the phone but it was hard for her to see and hear us. On our October 10^th window visit, Sharon was able to join us at the last minute and Nana’s face lit up when she saw Sharon. On October 25^th, Jan and I did our last window visit with Nana.

When the nursing home offered the Zoom visits via IPad, I jumped at the chance to see Nana’s beautiful face and have her see me. Over those eight months, Nana and I did more than sixteen Zoom visits. I recorded most of them and those videos are a treasure. I was so blessed to have those face to face conversations where we could see and hear each other.  One of the first Zoom visits, when she saw me on the screen, she said to the volunteer helping her “That’s so sweet.”

Then she looked up at the volunteer and said, “That’s my Diane.”

My heart melted.

On our Mother’s Day Zoom visit May 10^th, her words were my gift.

As we closed our visit, I said, “I love you.”

She replied, “Oh, I love you too. You’re such a good girl.”

That conversation is wrapped in love in my memory forever.

 

  

Watching the last Zoom from November 24^th, 2020 was the hardest. I could see the isolation had taken a toll on Nana. She was tired and distracted. Her beautiful white hair hung loose and unkempt, unlike the days when she had regular appointments in the nursing home beauty parlor. I could see her fingernails needed cut. Her Covid diagnosis came three days later so perhaps she was already not feeling well. Despite her fatigue, I still got a smile, a little laugh, and Nana and I still had some conversation—about naps and calendar sheets and Lori’s Thanksgiving card. If I had only known that was the last time I would see her precious face, I’d have stayed on longer to savor everything about her. But we ended as usual.

"Bye Bye" She said.  

"I love you and I'll call you tomorrow, like I do every day." I told her as we closed. 

As sad as I feel today, I also feel grateful. Grateful to have had so many years with Nana. Grateful to have known her so well. Grateful to have spent so much time with her—listening to her stories about World War II, taking her out to eat, taking her shopping, watching her game shows with her, seeing her spend hours reading the morning paper. She was a model for me of courage and bravery, humor and persistence. She loved life and lived every day with enthusiasm. For 97 years. But, for me, 97 years was still not enough.  

Next year this day will still bring me sadness. That’s the price for loving so deeply. But I’ll keep Nana’s memory close every day until we meet again.

February 2020, Last in person visit with Nana 

August 2020, Booth Visit 

October 2020, Sharon, Nana and Diane window visit

  

 

Happy 99th Birthday to Nana in Heaven

Happy Birthday in Heaven to Nana. She would’ve been 99 September 15th, 2022. As much as I miss her, I feel her with me every day. She’s woven into who I am and what I do.

 Her Nana ‘isms’, as we always called them, are in my head daily: 

On passing time: “All I do is flip calendar sheets.” 

On weather issues: “Mother Nature – she’s the boss.” 

“It’s raining cats and dogs and hammer handles.” 

“It feels like a storm air.” 

 On taking naps: “I’m not a daytime sleeper.” 

On her morning routine: “Brush your teeth and comb your hair and you’ll look like a millionaire.” 

 Nana loved Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy and she’s with me as I watch it almost every night. 

Her recipes are ever present in our home –strawberry jam, hamburg BBQ, and frozen peaches. 

When I see cupcakes, pastel dinner mints or peanut butter cups, I always think of Nana’s love for all things sweet. We used to joke about her ‘sweet tooth’, although all her teeth were dentures. 

A friend of mine recently complimented me on the care I give by sending cards to others. I feel I got this trait from Nana who loved sending cards for all occasions. She appreciated getting ‘good mail’ and wanted others to feel that same joy. 

I’m happy and proud that, during Nana’s life, we always celebrated her birthdays. Sometimes more than she wanted. Like her 75th Birthday where I orchestrated a surprise Birthday Party at a private room at the local mall. As it turns out, Nana is not a big fan of surprises. Although she was gracious and seemed to enjoy the festivities, she let me know she didn’t appreciate being surprised. I didn’t stop celebrating Nana’s birthdays, but I made sure to never again make them a surprise. 

Last September, we did a Celebration of Life event to honor Nana during her birthday month. She would’ve loved that it was held in her church, St. John’s United Methodist, with her Pastor Mike Hill. She would’ve loved how we shared her stories. She would’ve loved hearing people sharing their stories about her. She would’ve loved the cupcakes we served decorated with her favorite color, blue. And yet, I think she was there, in spirit, loving it all with us that day. That day and every day, she’s with me. Until we meet again.

Happy Mother's Day to Nana in Heaven

Happy Mother's Day in Heaven to Nana. I miss her every day so, although this is a Holiday to commemorate, it's really just another day. Another day of wishing I could still call her, wishing I could still visit her, wishing I could see her smile and hear her voice again.

I didn't take Nana's presence in our lives for granted. I knew we were so fortunate to have her for so many years. But that doesn't take away the grief of her loss. If anything, the emptiness she left has only made me more in awe of the life she led. She faced so much sadness, abuse and daunting challenges that would've struck down most of us. She experienced a childhood filled with poverty and alcoholism. But somehow she still found a way to eek out some pleasant memories, a long time connection with school mates, a warm bond with her sisters and brothers and compassion for her bed-ridden mother and disappointing father. 

Nana's married life started during World War II. I'm sure in her youthful optimism she felt she and Daddy could face anything together. Which is why, at 19, she bravely made the solo journey to Austin, Texas to be as close to him as possible. Then the move to Rolla, Missouri that followed months later must have given her pause but it didn't dim her resolve. From the pictures during those months, I saw a glimpse of the love between Nana and Daddy that existed before the horrors of war and the shadow of alcohol changed Daddy - and Nana - forever. 

For Nana, raising four kids while struggling in poverty and dealing with an alcoholic husband must have felt like revisiting her childhood. Like then, she did the best she could in her situation. Watching Nana work so hard at a grueling factory job in addition to all her household chores, my brothers and sister and I had a model for hard work and perseverance in front of us every day. Nana was the one we could count on. For lunch money, delicious home cooking, rides to the store and discipline when we needed it. Although I was grown before I realized it, being a Mother was Nana's first priority. 

On this Mother's Day, I'm celebrating being Nana's daughter and grateful for having this brave, sweet, and wonderful woman as my mother. 

Nana and Daddy holding hands, Austin Texas 1943

Nana & Daddy Rolla, Missouri 1944

                                                           Nana and Diane June 2019

Nana's Life Stories in Her Own Words Part 5 (Final)

 

From June 2000 until June 2006, Jan and I lived in Ruckersville, Virginia. It’s a rural town north of Charlottesville, Virginia and skirts the Blue Ridge Mountains. While we lived there, several times a year we brought Nana to visit us. She loved our home and neighborhood and always looked forward to her visits. (Note: Mitzi in this story is our cat.)

The Blue Ridge Mountains

When Diane took me from PA to Ruckersville, VA, what a great time I had!  First we stopped at Cracker Barrel, then on down to view the Blue Ridge Mountains.  Then we went up to Skyline Drive.  At the entrance I got a Golden Age Passport, good for life.  The many views from there leaves a lot of great memories.

Then we drove on to Ruckersville, VA to Bernice Lane for a visit with Diane and Jan.  It is a nice neighborhood where I sat on the front porch many hours and enjoyed it so much.  The mailman always waved at me and then I walked down the driveway and got the mail.

The neighbor Billy Casaday was very friendly and he called me Mom.  I watched him come and go from work and we went across the road to his house and watched TV on his wide-screen.

I had my special chair for a nice view out the window with Mitzi sitting on the back of the chair.  To Mitzi I was Nana and I gave her lots of treats every day. 

Nice memories……

Written by Deanie Rhone, June 15^th, 2011

 

Nana & Mitzi, Ruckersville, VA 2002 

 

Nana at Bernice Lane, Ruckersville, VA, April 2003

 

While we lived in Virginia, I attended a group called Toastmasters. It’s an international, nonprofit. educational organization that teaches public speaking and leadership skills through a worldwide network of clubs. Our club was in Charlottesville, VA. Participation requires writing and presenting speeches and being critiqued by fellow club members. Nana’s visits often coincided with my Toastmasters meetings and my club members encouraged me to have her attend. Even though she couldn’t hear everyone well, she loved the socializing and the attention she received from the members.

Blue Ridge Toastmasters Virginia

Many times I visited Ruckersville, VA and went to Toastmasters meetings with Diane held in a room in the library at Albemarle Square in Charlottesville.

When the meeting started, a large US flag was brought in from the library by Joe and Ian to Pledge Allegiance to the flag.  Joe Blair is a Rabbi and Ian Henry is an Australian.  Bruce Pierce, Sergeant at Arms, did the welcome

The meetings were very interesting with speeches and table topics.  I was called “Mom of the Toastmasters” and they always told me to come back.

Great Memory!

Written by Deanie Rhone, July 12, 2011

Nana often voiced her dislike of parties and large crowds but she enjoyed smaller gatherings – like attending her cozy country church.

Back to Church

As a child, each summer I walked to practice for Children’s Day Service at our country church.  That church is now St. John’s United Methodist Church.

Later for many years if I went to any church I was subject to cruelty by my spouse.  Later in the Seventies, when I was on my own, I was helped by my niece Grace to get back to attending church.  With her help, it went real well.

On May 7, 1978, I got a Certificate of Baptism and on May 14, 1978, a Confirmation and Reception into St. John’s United Methodist Church by Pastor James Sunderland. 

From that time, through many years with Pastor Jim, Pastor Max and now Pastor Mike, I am proud to be a member of St. John’s United Methodist Church.

Written by Deanie Rhone, August 9, 2011

 

Nana and Pastor Mike in front of the Stained Glass Window dedicated in her honor

 

For this next story, Nana reached back into childhood again but this time with a more pleasant memory.

From Child Through Teen Years

When we lived where is now Alvira Road and I was going to Pikes Peak School, the road by our house had very steep hills and we had deep snow storms back then.  We could sled ride down one hill and up the other far enough we did not have to pull the sled very far.

Later my dad built a house (my dad was a good carpenter) below bottom of the mountain near Holmes Store and Dance hall.  We moved there when I was in my teens.

Later my older brother John was drafted into the army during World War II and after Basic Training was sent to Iran, Persian Gulf.  Temperatures were 100 degrees and that was very hard for the soldiers there.

Later I went to Austin Texas to be near my soldier husband.

Written by Deanie Rhone, September 25, 2011

This story about Nana sledding on the steep hills reminds me of my own childhood memory of Nana driving on those same steep hills while on our way to see Grandma and Pap Tilburg. She was a safe driver, but she sped up on those hills so us kids could get the thrill of the roller coaster like fun she’d enjoyed.

Holmes Store and Dance Hall she mentioned in the story is where she met my dad, Stanley Rhone.

Nana was also close to her brother John. I love seeing pictures of them together.

 

Nana and John World War II

 

Nana wrote this next story on the anniversary of her wedding day, October 10, 1942. This was a happier time for Nana.

Marriage and Army

It’s October 10, 2012.  It brings back a memory of that day in 1942.  That was the day, 70 years ago, of Stan and I’s wedding.  It was a sunny Saturday morning.  We were married at the Messiah Lutheran Church in South Williamsport by Reverend E. Raymond Shaheen.  My sister Grace had a meal for Stan and I at her home after the ceremony.

World War II was in full swing and in February of 1943, Stan was drafted into the Army and sent to Camp Swift, Texas.  The following April, I went to Austin, Texas to be near him.  I made many friends in Austin and worked at Steck Publishing Company.  In 1944 Stan was sent to Ft. Leonard Wood in Missouri, where Stan and I walked a path in the Ozarks in the spring. Then he was sent overseas to Italy into battle in July 1944.  I went back home.

 

Stan and I 1944

Written by Deanie Rhone, October10, 2012 

I noticed that Nana again mentioned Daddy and her walking in the Ozarks. That was a particularly sweet memory for her. I think this picture may have been taken in Missouri before Daddy was shipped overseas.

Below is a picture of the first draft Nana wrote for this story. As you can see, it was getting difficult for her to write due to the crippling arthritis in her fingers.

Seeing her shaky handwriting makes me realize what an effort it was for her to complete these stories. 

 

 

The next story is the last one she wrote. It’s a beautiful summary of her life in that moment.

Life as I Know It

by Deanie Rhone April 2013

I am very much retired and, at 89 years old, I live in Yoder’s Senior Apartments, Second Floor.  From my balcony, I have a beautiful view of the mountains – the spring and summer are green and the fall is beautiful with the autumn colors.  Below my balcony is a cornfield often visited by deer and geese.  It is easy living.  Maintenance mows the grass and plows the snow.  My favorite maintenance man Pat fixes anything I need, from a broken toilet to a light bulb over the sink.

My daughter Sharon lives local and takes me to doctor’s appointments, Wendy’s and does many chores for me, especially keeping all my meds and vitamins organized and ready for me every day.

My other daughter Diane comes from Virginia every month and does a lot for me while she is here, like cleaning and laundry and we always go places together.

My sons Wayne and Bill and Bill’s wife Marcia help me in many ways too.  Wayne opens all my jars and my Sprite bottles.  Bill and Marcia often stop by with home cooked food.

I go to May’s in the morning for a pancake and coffee.  When I walk in the door, my order from the waitress girls to the cook Steve is, “Deanie’s here.” 

I drive mostly local and get to church when I can.  Pastor Mike comes to visit, gives me communion and prays with me.

I am grateful for my family and living in a safe and friendly neighborhood.

That’s life as I know it.

 

Nana in her apartment in Houston Ridge, Montgomery PA

 

 

 

 Nana lived in her second floor balcony apartment for 25 years before entering Watsontown Nursing home in July, 2018. 

Nana with Steve the cook and Christy her waitress at May's Restaurant, Hughesville, PA

For all the trauma and strife Nana endured over the years, her last story is a sweet example of her appreciation for her life and her zeal for living.

Nana’s memory is alive every day in all of us who were so fortunate to have had her in our lives.  I’m so grateful she shared these stories with us – in her own words.  

Our Beautiful Nana