Life is full of 'what ifs.' I'm a planner and I like to know what's on my calendar. At the end of July, I decided to plan another outside visit with Nana. After getting approval from Kristen in Activities at Watsontown Nursing and Rehab, we set the date for Friday, August 14th.
Monday August 3rd, Nana's younger brother, Ben, died. After a fall at AristaCare nursing home where he broke his femur and his hip, Ben endured a painful surgery. While still in the hospital recovering, he experienced a ruptured bowel. Unfortunately, he had to endure another surgery. It was too much for him and he passed away.
The first challenge was to tell Nana. Sharon and I both tried several times without success. My fear was that she'd read about it in the paper without knowing. Finally, the morning the obituary was in the Williamsport Sun Gazette, I was able to make her understand that Ben had passed away. I'll always remember her voice cracking as she said, "You mean Ben is gone?" We haven't spoken about it since. Because dementia has stolen so much of her memory, I don't want her to experience that pain over and over.
Uncle Ben's service was only a graveside service because of the limits during the Covid virus. The service was set for Friday morning, August 7th at the Elimsport Cemetary where Ben would be buried close to he and Nana's mother and father, Harrison and Pearl Tilburg.
I decided to rearrange our trip so we could attend the service. I contacted Kristen again and asked if we could move our visit with Nana to Friday afternoon, August 7th. She was able to arrange the change so we were set. Then, the day before we drove to Pennsylvania, I checked the weather forecast. Rain and thunderstorms were predicted for Friday, particularly in the afternoon. I was concerned that Nana's outside visit would be canceled at the last minute because of weather. I contacted Kristen again and changed our visit to Thursday afternoon at 1:50pm. It meant an early, early morning trip from Indiana for Jan and I, but I couldn't take the chance that we couldn't see Nana. I sent the day/time to Bill and Marcia and Sharon and hoped they could join us for the visit.
Thursday was a beautiful day. Bright sunshine, pleasant temperatures and a light breeze - important because Nana hates wind! Since communicating was so difficult during our last outside visit, I brought a dry erase board to use for our conversations with Nana.
Our volunteer helper Judy wheeled Nana into the plexiglass booth. Judy is kind and sweet and has experience working with the elderly. When we first met Judy a few months ago, she told us how she had taken care of her own mother for many years. She was the perfect helper for Nana. At first Nana cried and said," My family!" When Nana kept crying, Judy firmly said, " Deanie, stop crying and enjoy this visit with your family."
That seemed to help and Nana smiled and engaged with us using the dry erase board. Nana's a good reader so she seemed to love reading our messages. She even read them before we finished writing! Jan graciously stayed to the side so she could take pictures of our visit. Our 20 minutes flew by and at the end Jan got a group photo that we'll treasure for years.
Jan took the picture
Friday was the service for Uncle Ben. In the hours before the graveside service, the skies opened up with torrential downpours like the heavens were sobbing. The rain was accompanied by thunder and lightning. Then, just as we arrived at the Elimsport Cemetery, the skies cleared. The stillness of the lush green valley surrounded by the mountains protecting it brought a sense of peace to the small gathering of friends and family gathered around Uncle Ben's casket. After Pastor Mike gave his short sermon and shared stories of his friendship with Uncle Ben, he invited those in attendance to offer their stories. It was lovely to hear kind words about this man who lived a quiet, unassuming life. Uncle Ben had an 8th grade education and spent his working life helping at his cousin's dairy farm. It was a hard job with long hours that left him with knee and shoulder problems for years after he retired. He never married and found companionship in his neighbors and family. Uncle Ben loved food and seeing him enjoy leftovers and desserts brought as much joy to the giver as to him.
Uncle Ben was my Nana's baby brother and her only living sibling. Nana had already said goodby to her older sisters Elizabeth and Grace and her older brother John. Remembering the disbelief in her voice when she finally understood that Ben had passed, I wanted to be at the service, not just for me, but to say goodby to Ben for Nana. As we left the cemetery, it started to rain again.
Flowers with "Brother and Uncle" for Uncle Ben
A few days after Jan and I were home from our Pennsylvania trip, we discovered that all outside visits at Watsontown Nursing Home were canceled. There was a Covid outbreak at the sister facility in Milton. 19 residents had already died and a majority of the surviving residents were infected. The Pennsylvania National Guard was being called in. Although, fortunately, Watsontown was still virus-free, they weren't taking any chances.
That's where the what if's come in. What if Uncle Ben hadn't passed away when he did? What if we hadn't decided to attend the graveside service? What if we'd kept our original appointment for the August 14th visit? We wouldn't have been able to have such a wonderful visit with Nana, we wouldn't have been able to say goodby to Uncle Ben and I would've been left with a lot of regrets. But the what ifs didn't happen. Instead, we were blessed with memories to cherish with Nana and a lovely farewell to Uncle Ben.
This is an incredibly descriptive narrative that just makes me feel like I was there with you all. Many thanks for documenting this historic and emotionally-moving time.
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