The One Year Anniversary of Nana Passing Into Heaven

 

Today marks one year since Nana passed into Heaven. Everyone says the ‘firsts’ are the hardest. I miss her everyday so today will be no different. But what is different is that I can’t deny the memory of that day - getting the call from Watsontown Nursing Home at 10am that Nana passed away at 9:45am, December 6^th, 2020. Even though we knew for a few days that she couldn’t survive the Covid virus, the reality of that phone call still hits me like a punch in the stomach. Just thinking about it makes the tears flow. I'm sure that'll never change.

My biggest regret is that I couldn’t be there as her beautiful soul went to heaven. Although the nursing home said I could go in, the chance that I would get Covid or pass it to my immune compromised sister and younger brother was a chance I knew Nana wouldn’t want me to take. No matter what, she always put her kids’ needs in front of her own. All her life.

That brings to mind a memory of one of Nana’s sacrifices for her kids. When my older brother Wayne was a teenager, he worked a lot on my grandfather’s farm. He also had a bottomless appetite. He was always hungry. I remember one supper when Nana fried pork chops. Pork chops were a treat and there was only one pork chop for each of the six of us. Wayne quickly wolfed his down. Meanwhile, Nana ate everything else on her plate first while I’m sure saving the best for last. Plus, Nana didn’t have any teeth (that’s a story for a future post) and she was going to have to cut her meat in very small bites. Seeing Nana’s pork chop still sat on her plate, Wayne thought she didn’t want it, forked  it onto his plate and quickly devoured it.  Although Nana’s eyes widened and a little gasp escaped her lips, she never said a word. Because she always put her kids’ needs in front of her own. All her life.

I comfort myself today by picturing Nana with Wayne and Sharon. I also see her in my mind surrounded by her Tilburg siblings, Elizabeth, Grace, John and Ben.

My dear friend Karen, whose mother passed away many years ago, shared with me that she celebrates her mother’s birthday, not the day she died. I think that’s a wonderful way to honor our loved ones who’ve passed away. Pausing to commemorate them on the beginning of their lives instead of the end. I’m so grateful that we had a joyous Celebration of Life in September, Nana’s birthday month, to recognize her amazing life. 

The pain of that day will never leave me, but today, like every day, I’ll talk to Nana in Heaven and tell her how much I love her, how much I miss her, and how blessed I was to have her for almost 71 years of my life.

One of my favorite pictures of Nana and I

 

Celebration of Life for Nana, September 18, 2021

Generally speaking, Nana didn’t like parties. When I threw a surprise 75th Birthday Party for her in 1998, she wasn’t pleased. But she had a good time. When it came time to plan a celebration for her 90th Birthday, I knew better than to make it a surprise. I told her my party ideas and, although she wasn’t excited, begrudgingly agreed to allow me to make my plans. Then, she had a serious bout with cellulitis and dangerous kidney function. She was in the hospital and then the Muncy Skilled Nursing Home for weeks. Not only was the party in question, but also whether Nana would be able to return to her beloved apartment at Sherwood Drive, Montgomery. Thankfully, Nana arrived home in time for her party. And she had a good time. 

Nana was a dedicated planner. Back in 1993, when she was a spry 70 years old, Nana paid for and planned her funeral service. She was specific about what funeral home should be used, what hymns should be played, what scripture should be read and who should be her pallbearers. Then she tucked those plans away and lived 27 more full years of life.

On December 6, 2020, Nana died prematurely from Covid at 97 years old. Without the virus, I believe she would’ve made it to at least 100 years old. Yes, her memory was failing and she was in a wheel chair for her frail bones, but she still had so much life in her. We had spirited phone conversations every day. Some days she would read the paper to me. Some days she sang old songs to me. Every day we talked about the weather. Every day I told her I loved her. She always replied, “Oh, I love you too. You’re a good girl.” How I miss those daily calls.

When Nana passed away from Covid, we couldn’t fulfill the plans she’d made for her funeral. Due to restrictions because of Covid, no inside services were possible so we had to settle for a graveside service. No hymns, no personal chosen scripture. Pallbearers were volunteers from family members at the service. Pastor Mike Hill from her church, St. John’s United Methodist Church, did a lovely tribute, drawing from his fourteen year friendship with Nana and the stories she’d shared with him over the years. But I felt things were left unfinished.

Immediately after that service, I started planning a Celebration of Life - an appropriate event to honor and cherish Nana’s life. We could give her the hymns and scripture she wanted. Nana loved to talk about her life stories so it seemed perfect to share her stories and stories of the ones who loved her. When my plans began in early summer, Covid was waning and my hope was that the virus wouldn’t be a visitor at our Celebration. However, the Delta variant raised its ugly head. I struggled. Should I cancel or postpone? I ultimately decided that we wouldn’t let Covid steal anything more from Nana. I decided to ask attendees to mask for safety and we celebrated Nana on Saturday, September 18, 2021, just a few days after September 15th, which would’ve been her 98th Birthday.

For a few hours, we truly celebrated. Nana would’ve loved the music. We sang the hymns Nana wanted. We listened to hymns from the Statler Brothers Cd, which she loved and requested. Lori’s husband Nate played violin with a medley of soothing traditional hymns.

The best part was the stories. I shared some of the stories Nana had written herself about her life. I felt her voice and presence so strong among us. During a time of sharing, Lori and Jeff shared stories of their childhood with Nana, who was more like a second mother than a grandmother to them. Lori shared about Nana’s stellar school lunches she fixed for them every day. Jeff remembered how Nana was so disappointed when he had to go to school because he wouldn’t be there to watch Price is Right with her every day.

Gloria Burrows shared a story I’d never known about Nana. Gloria was in first grade at the one room Pike’s Peak School when Nana was in her last year, eighth grade. Gloria says that she was small and frail and Nana and her best friend Ruth Voneida were assigned as her protectors from the other kids. I can picture that would be a good role for Nana. Nana was strong. Her early strength went on to carry her through a long and challenging life. It also reminded me of Nana’s loyal friendship to Ruth, who she remained friends with until Ruth’s passing in 2011.

Elizabeth, Bill’s daughter, shared a story of Nana, taken from a Sunday dinner at her dad’s house, about Nana’s part in her then fiancé Andrew’s proposal to marry Elizabeth. I read a story from Missi, Wayne’s daughter, who couldn’t attend. She related how much Nana loved the deviled eggs that her mom made and that Wayne and Missi would deliver weekly. We all laughed at how Missi had to be the go-between for the conversation between Nana and Wayne since neither of them could hear well.

The Celebration program closed with Pastor Mike sharing his experiences and friendship with Nana. She loved to tell him her stories when he visited her at her apartment. But she wasn’t at all chatty when meeting him in the Weis store. That was our Nana. 

The stories we shared celebrated the true Nana. She wasn’t perfect. She was quirky, set in her ways and a bit OCD, but she was also fun and loving and loyal to her family. She had a zest for life that never waned in her 97 years.

After the program, we gathered downstairs in the basement of the church. We’d decorated the tables with butterfly centerpieces. I chose butterflies because Nana and I both loved butterflies. We ate cupcakes – white cake with white and blue frosting - because they were Nana’s favorite. We munched on chips and pretzels provided by Lori. Nana loved to snack. And I’d prepared bags of Nana’s favorite candy – KitKats, M&M’s and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups – for everyone to take. 

We gazed at the picture boards where I tried to capture all the years and people in Nana’s 97 years of life. On the display table were the books of Nana’s stories and all the Nana News blogs I’ve written since 2012. A jar of the ball spinning balls Nana slaved over at Montgomery Mills were there too. Pictures of her beloved Texas Bluebonnets and the city of Austin Texas all surrounded the 8 x 10 picture of Nana. Nana with her gorgeous white hair and sweet smile adorned in her favorite red fleece top.

Nana didn’t usually like parties but I think she liked this one. Later that evening, we looked in the sky to see a rainbow. I think it was Nana telling us she had a good time. 

 

First Mother's Day without Nana

May 9th, 2021. My first Mother’s Day without Nana. That holiday will never be the same. I’ve joined the ranks of having to wish my mother a Happy Mother’s Day in Heaven. All those Facebook posts with glowing candles and hearts for an angelic Mother are now my only options. I can’t post pictures of Nana and I with her Mother’s Day gifts of KitKats and M & M’s. No pictures of us enjoying a fish sandwich at The Fence in Lewisburg, PA. Not even a selfie with Nana and Sharon and I—Nana with her girls. Because now not only is Nana gone, Sharon is gone too. A heartbreaking Mother’s Day. What I’m left with are memories and photos. Sharon and I were both fanatic about taking photos to document our times with Nana. Sharon was the queen of selfies and I was happy she was so talented with her phone. Now all those photos and selfies are reminders of other happier Mother’s Day celebrations. The pandemic stole from us the last chance to have a Mother’s Day in person with Nana. We did our best with a Mother’s Day Zoom with Nana on that special day in 2020. But May 2019 was our last in-person celebration of Mother’s Day with Nana. We celebrated early because Jan and I were going on a cruise on Mother’s Day, but Nana never minded when we celebrated. She was always kind and grateful. Here’s some precious photos from years past:

It’s said that the first holidays after you lose a loved one are the worst. This first Mother’s Day without Nana—and without Sharon—was a painful and sad one. I’m not sure, but maybe it’ll get better. I’m so grateful for all the photos and memories we collected for so many years. But I’m so heartbroken that we have to have future Mother’s Days, Holidays and ALL future days without them.

Nana and Sharon - Together on Earth and in Heaven

 In a year of painful loss and sadness - after the passing of Uncle Ben in August, Wayne in October and Nana in December - Sharon passed away on February 17th, 2021. 

Even now, it still seems so unreal. This beautiful, vibrant, intelligent and kind soul is now lost to us forever. Ultimately, Covid stole another member of our family. I feel cheated out of the years we could've had with Sharon. She loved life and passionately wanted to live. The only tiny consolation is that Nana wasn't alive to endure this loss.  Picturing them together in Heaven is the only way I can sooth myself. 

Sharon was born August 17th, 1946. She came by her name from Nana's stay in Austin. In one of the stories Nana wrote about this time, here's how she described it:

Precious Memories

by Deanie Rhone, March 2011

1943 – 1946

While living in Austin, Texas, my landlady found work for me.  It was 1943, World War II in full swing.  A Captain and his wife needed a baby sitter.  It was on a Saturday night and I went there, down Congress Avenue a long way and then to a side street where they lived.   The little girl was so sweet and her name was Sharon Kay.  It was a long evening and she was so nice for me.  Her parents got home late and no more buses were running so the Captain had to drive me to Nueces Street.

Later in 1946 I had a sweet little baby girl and I named her Sharon Kay.

Even my middle name was related to Sharon. Here's Nana's description of how that came to be:

I liked the name Diane and I wanted the middle name to rhyme with her sister so on December 21, 1949, Diane Fay was born.

Sharon and Diane 1950 at Aunt Grace's home South Williamsport, PA

Growing up, Sharon and I shared clothes, books and a bedroom. Sharon and I were always a pair because we were the girls of the family. During summers when Nana was working at Montgomery Mills, Sharon was in charge. We were assigned chores that had to be done before we could go swimming in the creek with Sharon's friends or go visit the neighbors. Many days, we raced into the house with less than an hour to fix supper that had to be ready when Nana came home from work at 4pm. One memory is the day we were to make pork and sauerkraut. We plopped the pork and water into the heavy oval roaster and put it on the stove to cook. Then we went off to do something else and forgot all about it until we smelled the burnt pork. We scraped the evidence into the garbage, pooled our money and ran to Holmes General Store to buy another piece of pork to cook. We never confessed to Nana and she didn't ask for an explanation, but I'm sure she knew that Sharon and I were partners in that crime.

When Sharon began to ask permission to date boys, Nana's frequent response was, "You can go if you take Diane with you."  I spent many hours in the backseat of her boyfriends' cars. Every night before we went to sleep, Sharon and I talked. We talked about everything from boys to clothes and school. There were late nights when Daddy came home after having too much to drink and started a shouting argument with Nana. We both strained to hear if we were the topic of the argument and to make sure it was just shouting. Even then, Sharon and I were bonded together to make sure Nana was safe. 

At bedtime, when Sharon was tired of talking, she'd say, "I'm going to lay on my good ear." When she did that, conversation was done, no matter how much more I talked. When she was younger Sharon had what they called 'bealed ears' from painful ear aches. That left her with little hearing in her one ear. Although she later had some surgeries on her ears, she never had good hearing from that childhood illness. 

In 1969, Sharon and I convinced Nana to leave Daddy and live on her own. We helped Nana get false teeth. Nana had had her teeth pulled 15 years prior but there was never enough money for her to buy her false teeth. Along with Bill, we helped Nana get set up in a rental house in Elimsport and later to one in Montgomery. 

Even with her income from Montgomery Mills, Nana struggled financially. Sharon and Bill and I supplemented her income by helping her buy used cars and do repairs to her house she purchased on Melvina Street in Montgomery. 

After Lori was born in 1978 and Nana's Montgomery Mills job was gone, Sharon asked her to be Nana to Lori and 3 years later to Jeff.

Sharon and Lori and Jeff and Nana Sept. 1981

During those years, Sharon and I often rode to work together in Williamsport. When I picked up Sharon, Nana would have toast wrapped in foil and a Tupperware cup of milk for our car breakfast.

After Lori and Jeff were grown and Nana moved to Houston Ridge Apartments, Sharon often asked Nana to ride along for errands or trips to the vets with the current cats who needed care. Those trips usually included a stop for Wendy's or KFC.

During my monthly visits to Nana, a special treat for Sharon and Nana and I was when we could all go together to one of Nana's favorite eating spots like Wendy's, Mays, or The Fence. As it became harder for Nana to walk, she still loved to go. So Sharon and Nana had what Sharon called "Car Picnics" at her favorite spots like Wendy's or KFC. 

 

I will never forget the light in Nana's eyes when Sharon came in the room. Sharon was like that. She filled every space with her sweet smile and boundless energy. 

Nana and Sharon on Nana's 94th Birthday Sept. 2017

We were so fortunate to have Nana for 97 years. She had Sharon for 74 years and didn't have to face her death. As we mourn Sharon, I can picture them together, pain-free, able to hear and chatting about all their great memories. Sharon is probably petting one of her beloved kitties that passed before her, waiting for the day when we will all be reunited again.