The One Year Anniversary of Nana Passing Into Heaven

 

Today marks one year since Nana passed into Heaven. Everyone says the ‘firsts’ are the hardest. I miss her everyday so today will be no different. But what is different is that I can’t deny the memory of that day - getting the call from Watsontown Nursing Home at 10am that Nana passed away at 9:45am, December 6^th, 2020. Even though we knew for a few days that she couldn’t survive the Covid virus, the reality of that phone call still hits me like a punch in the stomach. Just thinking about it makes the tears flow. I'm sure that'll never change.

My biggest regret is that I couldn’t be there as her beautiful soul went to heaven. Although the nursing home said I could go in, the chance that I would get Covid or pass it to my immune compromised sister and younger brother was a chance I knew Nana wouldn’t want me to take. No matter what, she always put her kids’ needs in front of her own. All her life.

That brings to mind a memory of one of Nana’s sacrifices for her kids. When my older brother Wayne was a teenager, he worked a lot on my grandfather’s farm. He also had a bottomless appetite. He was always hungry. I remember one supper when Nana fried pork chops. Pork chops were a treat and there was only one pork chop for each of the six of us. Wayne quickly wolfed his down. Meanwhile, Nana ate everything else on her plate first while I’m sure saving the best for last. Plus, Nana didn’t have any teeth (that’s a story for a future post) and she was going to have to cut her meat in very small bites. Seeing Nana’s pork chop still sat on her plate, Wayne thought she didn’t want it, forked  it onto his plate and quickly devoured it.  Although Nana’s eyes widened and a little gasp escaped her lips, she never said a word. Because she always put her kids’ needs in front of her own. All her life.

I comfort myself today by picturing Nana with Wayne and Sharon. I also see her in my mind surrounded by her Tilburg siblings, Elizabeth, Grace, John and Ben.

My dear friend Karen, whose mother passed away many years ago, shared with me that she celebrates her mother’s birthday, not the day she died. I think that’s a wonderful way to honor our loved ones who’ve passed away. Pausing to commemorate them on the beginning of their lives instead of the end. I’m so grateful that we had a joyous Celebration of Life in September, Nana’s birthday month, to recognize her amazing life. 

The pain of that day will never leave me, but today, like every day, I’ll talk to Nana in Heaven and tell her how much I love her, how much I miss her, and how blessed I was to have her for almost 71 years of my life.

One of my favorite pictures of Nana and I